I went in today for one of my biweekly non stress tests and they were unable to find Adrian's heartbeat. At first she thought she found him, but unfortunately they were just picking up Audrina's heartbeat twice. They sent me back to the larger machine and confirmed that our lil Adrian had lost his battle with Trisomy 18.
You want to believe that knowing this was eventually going to happen would make it all a little easier, but it doesn't. There is always a part of you that hopes that they had been wrong this whole time, and your lil one would be born perfectly healthy and happy. This is the way of a parent I suppose. I do feel blessed that Audrina is doing just fine and growing like a weed. Many parents go through this pregnant with only one child, and I do feel blessed that we have Audrina to look forward to. Does it make it any easier? Unfortunately not, but I do find strength knowing that lil Adrian never had to suffer and Audrina will forever have someone looking out for her. I can now truly grieve for Adrian and I now know what the future holds for him. No longer is there the uncertainty that we had before, and part of me is grateful for that. I will forever miss him but now I can move towards the closure I have been longing for for the last 10 months. It won't be easy but I have faith that I did all I could for Adrian and in return, he stayed long enough to ensure the safe delivery of his sister.
Fly high little angel. Mommy loves you.
Shedding some tears for the loss of your Adrian. I think we all
ReplyDeleteShared your hope that he'd pull through, but thankful that the
Lord made some of those hard decisions for you. Nothing can
Ease the pain, but my heart has been breaking for a the
Decisions you were having to make. Praying for His peace for
You today. God bless...
I'm so sorry to hear about this Nici. Please call me if you need to talk or anything. Are you home? Maybe I can stop by. I love you guys! Rest in peace, dear Adrian.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this, luv. I was really hoping that a miracle would happen and good news would come flowing to good people. I know what its like to lose a close family member, but i know its not quite the same. You have a strong support network of people who love your face and would do whatever they could to help ease the pain. Dont hesitate to ask!! i am here for you
ReplyDeleteMy precious Nicole...You are such an amazing being and reading your post burned into my heart. You are so courageous and "your little angel" will always be there watching over Audrina...and you! Grieve you must and we are all with you and support you and cry with you. Of course there was always the hope that it would be ok and as a mom...how could you feel less than that.
ReplyDeleteI don't have the words to express my love and support for you my brave granddaughter. You are amazing and he is wonderful and thanking you for all of your love....he will return it in ways that you can't even imagine..he'll always be there xoxoGG
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Adrian. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for the loss of your precious boy, Nicole. I was originally from your birth board, was due 2/1/12, but lost my babies on August 5th at 14w2d. I wanted to let you know about a wonderful online resource for those of us who have lost one or more, both or all of our multiples. It's called CLIMB, the Center for Loss in Multiple Births, Inc., and it's a non-profit run by others who have experienced the loss of multiples. Their website is http://www.climb-support.org. They also have a Facebook page and some private e-mail support groups, along with helpful resources to help you plan and grieve.
ReplyDeleteI'm sending you hugs, peace and strength as you walk this path...
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My daughter was born with 18q- syndrome and we too lost her twin, but very early on (around 8 weeks). My thoughts will be with you, and your family will be in my prayers for comfort peace and the safe delivery of your sweet Audrina (beautiful name by the way).
ReplyDelete